The Crimson Petal and the White

This book had been on my shelf for years now. I’ve meant to read it, and started it a few times. It wasn’t for lack lack on interest that I didn’t read it, I just found myself too busy to dive into an 800+ page book. Based in 1870s London, it is about a 19 year old whore working her way up in society. I can’t wait to finally get to finish it. Anyone what wants to read along with me… I’d love to Have you đź’‹

*fun fact : this was the book Emily Gilmore mentions in an episode of Gilmore Girls lol

I Will Dance With You Forever, My Love

When the music starts 

I know where my feet will take me 

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When the music ends

I know whose hands will lead me forward 

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You are my strength 

When my body feels weak 

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I am your warmth 

When your body feels cold 

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I will dance with you forever 

My love 

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My fingers will always be there to interlace

With yours 

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Like puzzle pieces created to fit 

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Your hands on my waist 

Your hands on my hips 

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“When you dip, I dip, we dip” 

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I will dance with you forever 

My Love 

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As long as the music plays 

My feet will dance their way towards you 

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But when the music ends 

And all is eerily calm 

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When the room is empty 

And all is gone 

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We will create the music to drive us 

We will find the melody to take us home

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Neversilencethemadness.com 

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#bloggerstyle #blogger #poetry #poemsofinstagram #poetrylovers #poet 

POT PIES REMIND ME OF MY MOTHER

As I sit here on my lunch break at work tonight

I dig into the first pot pie I’ve had in years 

Daydream of my childhood 

When my mom would make pot pies for dinner 

When we had blueberry pie and vanilla ice cream for a treat 

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I didn’t know then

What a simple pot pie would mean to me now 

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I didn’t know before

The warmth of this pot pie 

Would also bring warmth to my heart 

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Remembrance of the family I lost

The time we had together 

The aroma of laughter 

And a stomach full of stability and peace 

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Pot pies, apparently remind me of my mother 

Of the days when she was my mommy 

Of the long evenings playing in the backyard 

Of the living room workouts 

Of the halloween costumes that she would make from scratch

Of the movie dates 

Of karate class

When she would cheer me on from the side lines hoping I would eventually throw a punch

Of the leotards for gymnastics 

Of the cartwheels I couldn’t do

Of the long sushi lunch

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It all reminds me of her

Of my little hand in hers 

Of our chubby fingers 

And our chubby toes 

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Laughing about the little things that only her and I know

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Pot pies remind me a lot of my mother 

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When she would call us in for dinner 

Dance her way around 

With hugs strong enough to smother

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When she would sit us all down 

Sing her way to the freezer

And then surprise us with dessert

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Neversilencethemadness.com 

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#bloggerstyle #blogger #poetry #poemsofinstagram #poetrylovers

Love Made Them Foolish, Nonsensical Lunatics 

He was foolish 

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He reeked of inexperience 

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Lacked the emotional wherewithal to create something worth while 

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But the look in his eyes said he wanted to try 

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The passion in his lips said inexperience in one doesn’t mean inexperience in all 

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He was an ASININE excuse for a partner 

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But as a lover, he was a 5 star vacation of a lifetime 

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He begged to prove he was more than face value 

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Climbed mountains to show he was more than skin deep 

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Ripped open his heart to prove to her that there was even a heart to see 

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She was foolish

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She reeked of a woman with too much experience but a heart too big that none of it mattered

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She lacked the emotional wherewithal to stand by her word 

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But the look in her eyes said she wanted to try 

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The ache in her heart meant she still had enough of one in there for one more heartbreak 

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But she was willing to put that piece of her heart in his hands and trust him not to crush it

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She was an ASININE excuse for a partner 

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Because she was all-in with one foot out of the door at every moment

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But as a lover, she was a 5 star vacation of a lifetime 

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She begged to prove that she was more than just broken pieces 

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She climbed mountains to show that the glue holding her together was strong enough to carry them both 

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Ripped open her heart to prove to him that there was enough in there to keep on loving

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They were an ASININE excuse for partners 

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Love made them foolish, nonsensical lunatics 

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But as lovers they were a 5 star vacation of a lifetime 

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And at the end of that lifetime, who wouldn’t choose to live it as such?

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In what love story, are there lovers that aren’t foolish, that haven’t lost their senses? 

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In what scenario does love not make you both a little crazy for each other? 

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I truly do not know, but if you ask them, they will tell you…. 

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It is going to be hard, but most things Worth having usually are

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True love, knocks us a little off our senses 

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But at the end of every day you just have to say

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I choose you 

Response to NEVER SILENCE THE MADNESS POETRY PROMPT “ASININE”

The Universe is an IMPLACABLE Thing

With every twist and turn

The world tried to tear them apart 

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Whispers that linger 

Cuts that sting deep

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The unforgiving movement 

That made one nauseated while they sleep

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Photographs 

Pyrography etched into ones mind 

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Memories

The reality that there is never really time 

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But the universe is an implacable thing 

With it’s mind made up 

There is no real twisting and turning 

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Every bump in the road 

Every detour 

Every kink in the path 

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What is meant to be 

Will be 

And the universe will handle that 

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She is adamant, relentless 

She is unforgiving when she knows what she wants 

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The universe doesn’t care which way the world tries to turn 

She will spin it backwards and forwards 

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She will linger

She will haunt

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She drowns out the whispers 

Blows on the cuts 

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Navigates through the moments 

When we all get a little lost 

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She is an implacable thing 

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And in the end 

She always gets what she wants.   

Response to Never Silence The Madness Poetry Prompt “implacable”

NEVER SILENCE THE MADNESS POETRY PROMPT “Asinine” 

A few months ago, I started a book club, on FB called NEVER SILENCE THE MAD READER. As I was reading this particular book, our first book of the club, I realized it had so many large words that I had to look up. This was a very discouraging realization because in high school, I had so much pride in myself for being an avid reader. As an adult, I didn’t get the chance to read as much, but I didn’t think my vocabulary was as limited as it was. By the end of the first book, I chalked it up to the book itself. I mean, it was called “Special Topics in Calamity physics”, what else was I going to expect? 

LOL a bunch of hard words….. 

turns out…. It wasn’t the book, because come Decembers book, and I’m still writing down a long list of words I do not know hahaha 

Anyway, I decided to write poems for each word to help me ingrain the definition into my mind. I thought it would help expand my apparently minuscule pool of vernacular. Once I started doing this, I thought, hey! why not start a poetry group and post poetry prompts, I’m already “prompting” myself, I’ll just share it, and others can join if they want to. 

I started a poetry group on FB called NEVER SILENCE THE MAD POET and I began posting my word of the week or poetry prompts. I recently decided, I’ll try sharing it on here as well and 🙏 would love it if anyone would like to participate and tag their ping backs to #NSTMPP

This weeks poetry prompt will be the word “Asinine” 

according to Merriam-webster:

1: extremely or utterly foolish or silly an asinine excuse

2: of, relating to, or resembling an ass

pingback to #NSTMPP 

I’d love to read your work. 

NEVER SILENCE THE MADNESS POETRY PROMPT “IMPLACABLE” 

A few months ago, I started a book club, on FB called NEVER SILENCE THE MAD READER. As I was reading this particular book, our first book of the club, I realized it had so many large words that I had to look up. This was a very discouraging realization because in high school, I had so much pride in myself for being an avid reader. As an adult, I didn’t get the chance to read as much, but I didn’t think my vocabulary was as limited as it was. By the end of the first book, I chalked it up to the book itself. I mean, it was called “Special Topics in Calamity physics”, what else was I going to expect? 

LOL a bunch of hard words….. 

turns out…. It wasn’t the book, because come Decembers book, and I’m still writing down a long list of words I do not know hahaha 

Anyway, I decided to write poems for each word to help me engrain the definition into my mind. I thought it would help expand my apparently minuscule pool of vernacular. Once I started doing this, I thought, hey! why not start a poetry group and post poetry prompts, I’m already “prompting” myself, I’ll just share it, and others can join if they want to. 

I started a poetry group on FB called NEVER SILENCE THE MAD POET and I began posting my word of the week or poetry prompts. I recently decided, I’ll try sharing it on here as well and 🙏 would love it if anyone would like to participate and tag their ping backs to #NSTMPP

This weeks poetry prompt will be the word “IMPLACABLE” 

according to Merriam-Webster dictionary :

not placable not capable of being appeased, significantly changed, or mitigated an implacable enemy

1. used to describe (someone who has) strong opinions or feelings that are impossible to change

pingback to #NSTMPP 

I’d love to read your work. 

She Wondered if He Ever Spoke of Her Like That

All she wanted was to feel his finger tips 

She wanted to hear songs about their future

She wanted see the score wrap around their bodies as he spoke of all the ways he loved her 

She wanted nothing more than to be aroused by the tales of his day

The plans that he’s made 

The blueprint of his life that had her etched into every corner 

She wanted to feel his lips between hers 

Electricity 

Magnetism 

Fire 

She hungered for him 

Not only his skin 

And his kisses 

Or the way that he looked at her 

She hungered for his mind and his strength 

His vulnerability 

His passion 

His erudite rant on all the things she once knew nothing of 

Or even cared to know 

Watching his wheels turn as he spoke of all the things he loved 

The details of every manufacturer, the rational for every dip and turn 

The intricacies of every click and clack 

The admiration of the beauty and the perfection 

She wondered, 

if he ever spoke of her like that 

Response to #NSTMPP “ERUDITE”

The Petals of the Rose I Am Born

I am defeated 

Wilted 

The petals of the rose I am born 

Pathetic 

In the way she lacks to stand 

The spine 

Her fibers once full of hydration 

Cannot bear to hold her up 

She is thirsty 

Days she went without satisfying the quench 

Days she needed to replenish 

But she lay there wilted 

Not saying a word 

Breaking 

Falling apart 

Pliable 

For the inability to fight back 

I call defeat 

I throw in the towel 

I raise my white flag 

I have nothing left in me 

To fight for what my heart longed for 

You win, my love 

Forgive me

I do not have the strength anymore 

The Invisible Life of Addie Larue by V.E. Schwab

A few months ago, I started a book club in Facebook called NEVER SILENCE THE MAD READER. I decided I’d extend it to my blog and post the books, just in case anyone would like to join along. Feel free to join the FB group to participate in the discussions, but I will also post the discussions here in the comments ( I think that is how I will do this anyway, still figuring it out ).

For January we are going to read The Invisible Life of Addie Larue by V.E. Schwab. January 1 lands on a Friday, so what better day than to just start there.

week 1 : part 1+2

week 2 : part 3+4

week 3 : part 5

week 4 : part 6+7

My goal will be to post the discussion questions by that Friday after reading.

I’m excited to read with all of you đź’‹

You Saw a Pretty Thing and You Wanted to Break it

You Saw a Pretty Thing and You Wanted to Break it

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Porcelain made 

Fragile written on it 

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You peered Into the windows 

And you felt the warmth 

Radiating from the hearth 

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You sought comfort 

In the man you thought you deserved 

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As you felt around the doors and windows

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Checked the hinges 

Checked the boards 

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You saw a hidden crack beneath the floor 

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You seeped your way in 

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Not carefully 

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Not  quietly 

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You seeped in flooding  

You broke through the crack entirely 

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You tried to warm your hands upon the open fire 

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You burned yourself 

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Fighting for the one thing that you desired

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You saw a pretty thing 

And you wanted to destroy it 

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You took that porcelain made home 

And you dropped it 

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Never Silence The Madness Poetry Prompt “ERUDITE”

A few months ago, I started a book club, on FB called NEVER SILENCE THE MAD READER. As I was reading this particular book, our first book of the club, I realized it had so many large words that I had to look up. This was a very discouraging realization because in high school, I had so much pride in myself for being an avid reader. As an adult, I didn’t get the chance to read as much, but I didn’t think my vocabulary was as limited as it was. By the end of the first book, I chalked it up to the book itself. I mean, it was called “Special Topics in Calamity physics”, what else was I going to expect?

LOL a bunch of hard words…..

turns out…. It wasn’t the book, because come Decembers book, and I’m still writing down a long list of words I do not know hahaha

Anyway, I decided to write poems for each word to help me engrain the definition into my mind. I thought it would help expand my apparently minuscule pool of vernacular. Once I started doing this, I thought, hey! why not start a poetry group and post poetry prompts, I’m already “prompting” myself, I’ll just share it, and others can join if they want to.

I started a poetry group on FB called NEVER SILENCE THE MAD POET and I began posting my word of the week or poetry prompts. I recently decided, I’ll try sharing it on here as well and 🙏 would love it if anyone would like to participate and tag their ping backs to #NSTMPP

This weeks poetry prompt will be the word “ERUDITE

according to dictionary.com it is an adjective meaning “characterized by great knowledge; learned or scholarly: an erudite professor; an erudite commentary.

pingback to #NSTMPP

I’d love to read your work.

Hollow Smiles

I watched you glow as he fed you 

Abdomen engorged 

Promises; candy coated words 

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He fattened you up 

Rosie cheeked 

Arms stuffed full of flower petals 

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Honey vibrato 

To ingratiate himself with your pitter patter heart 

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He molded himself into every dream you ever wished for 

He decapitated every monster you ever lived  with 

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He woke you from your nightmare 

And he gave you something to live for 

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Why then, do you start to feel like something is still missing? 

Like promises are empty 

Smiles hollow 

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Why then, is there no warmth between your fingertips 

Or fire in your soul ?

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In the end, 

You do not know 

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In the end, 

You have to let the the dream of him go 

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#NSTMPP

NEVERSILENCETHEMADNESS POETRY PROMPT

I Can’t Unsee It Now

I looked out into the world

And I saw it

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We are all main characters in our own books 

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I couldn’t unsee what I had seen 

All of us walking around with pages and chapters 

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With bookmarks to save the important parts 

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With spines and bindings 

Pristine 

Or stained with living 

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I can’t unsee it now 

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The way our lives play out 

Like the chapters in a book 

Like stories to be told 

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With love and heartbreak 

With turmoil 

And body aches 

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I saw the words written on everyones face

“He had a rough past, and now he’s struggling to reach his future” 

“Her heart has just been broken, but she fought on for her daughter”

“He said goodbye to his dad not knowing it would be the last time he hugged him” 

“ She just found her soulmate, but she really didn’t know it” 

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I can’t unsee it now 

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The way we are all main characters in our own books 

Trilogies 

From childhood 

To Throughout our lives 

To our THE END. 

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It’s become an obsession 

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Because I just want to read them all 

Every word 

Every chapter 

To feel the bookmarked 

To soak in every reason why 

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I want to flip through your lurid pages

Because you are a book I want to read 

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And I can’t unsee it now

Emergency Room War Zone

As I walk through the threshold 

I am assaulted by the sight 

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The smells pummel through me 

The energy as dark as night 

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Screams heard from every corner 

Howls of despair 

the wailing of fear 

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A man crying over limbs

that should still be there 

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A woman succumbing to the 

Fevers that took her 

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The God made Angels 

Frantically trying to do better 

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The Calibanesque  picture before me 

Grotesque 

Mutilated 

Disfigured 

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Is a vision that I would never have been

able to manufacture 

I Hope You Are Dancing In Your Sleep

I ran to him

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“Are you okay?” 

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his expression brightened up like the sun 

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“I want to go dancing” 

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He smiles 

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And I laugh to join the fun 

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Tomorrow I heard you are no longer speaking 

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Your breath was taken from you 

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I hope you are dancing in your sleep 

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And my heart sinks knowing 

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That those were probably the last words 

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You will ever say to me 

Who Are We?

As the stars turn above us, 

Your head upon my chest.

Your skin pressed against mine

Our bodies made to rest

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I lose the line between who we are 

Because 

Who are you ?

And who is she ?

As the stars turn above us 

Is it really important? 

The “who are we?”

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You are the missing piece 

That was unknowingly broken off of my soul 

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I was the missing piece 

that made your body whole 

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You are the part of me 

That I didn’t know I needed 

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I was the part of you 

That you needed to believe in 

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As the stars turn above us 

And we wonder 

“Who are we?” 

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Just know that we are two bodies 

Who are just 

Meant to be 

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She Loved Until She Lost Herself

She loved until she lost herself

She gave until she was empty

She hung on until her fingers bled

And her hourglass was hungry

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She was an inveterate long time lover

each chapter in her life

sewn together neatly between each love

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Never knowing how to say goodbye

Never knowing when enough was enough

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It’s Where Your Compass Leads You

You said you dreamt of it once 

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a freckle 

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Like a kiss upon her thigh 

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It’s where all the roads are traveled 

It’s where your compass leads you 

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It’s where the time goes 

When it flies by 

,

,

It winks at you 

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like a LANDMARK 

To lead you home 

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And once you have landed 

It’s a lovely place to rest your head upon 

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#FOWC “landmark”

Where Were You ?

They asked you for help

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With their silent eyes 

They called for you 

In their muted tears 

They screamed for you to see them 

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Where were you, then? 

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Making choices for “their best interests” 

Not caring when they told you

They felt helpless

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I’m sorry children

You had no advocate 

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I’m sorry your short life 

Had so much sadness In it 

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Where were you?

When their silent tears 

Flooded the streets

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Sitting in your toasty home 

Cuddled safely beneath the sheets

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Back To A Time

sifting through a box of old things

Book after book

pamphlet after pamphlet 

treatise on anxiety and depression 

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I am brought back to a time 

when our lives were dictated by school bells 

And seating charts 

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Where one rumor 

Became our entire world 

And one heartbreak 

Was announced through 

The speaker hung walls 

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ages ago

An entire world away 

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I pack it back up 

to look back at another day 

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Weekly prompt @ NSTMP

I Can’t Be Mad At You

I can’t be mad at you

You stole my heart 

You tricked me 

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I can’t be mad at you 

I walked toward you with a veil over my eyes 

You led me blindly 

You robbed me 

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.

And I let you 

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How can I be mad at you ?

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You thief 

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Burglar

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Pirate 

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Swindler 

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You stole my heart 

Right from my chest 

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.

And I liked it

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#FOWC “thief”

You Are No Longer Mine

I read somewhere 

That you were no longer mine 

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.

That you finally opened up your heart 

And honestly, It was about time

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.

I read somewhere 

That you no longer belonged to me

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That our memories 

Are no longer cherished 

It’s not my heart that holds your key 

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I never expected you to wait forever 

To hide away 

And pine for my love 

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.

But I read somewhere 

That you are finally  happy and moved on

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My heart paused a little 

It broke for a moment 

As I remembered what we lost 

.

.

But I always knew that our love 

Was gone 

When I walked away

I knew the cost  

That Could Be Me

I saw her scars 

Evidence of a life 

Where great just wasn’t good enough

Where She was always just one nip away from perfect 

One tuck away from perfection 

One stitch away from happiness 

I saw  her eyes of desperation 

As she picked at things I could not see 

Although I was happy to oblige 

I wondered where in her life she was during each scar 

I wondered about the painful recovery 

I wondered about the broken heart 

Or the healed one 

I wondered if she was finally close to happy 

I felt sadness for her

But only because that could be me 

One nip away from happiness 

One tuck away from perfection 

One stitch away from perfect 

My heart broke for her

But only because that could be me

Jenga

I wish I could make it stop 

I do 

It’s like

Playing jenga

Trying to figure out the puzzle

when it was already whole to begin with 

Every piece 

A clue that I must pull out and dissect 

poking holes through my own logic 

Seeing through my own thoughts 

Piling on top of each other 

Creating some form of a reality 

That is just destined to come tumbling down 

I wish I could make it stop 

I do 

The higher the tower grows

Force = mass x acceleration 

The harder the fall

The louder the noise 

Even when I see it tilting 

And I know just how this ends, the scene 

As soon as the bricks hit the ground 

It startles me 

I wish I could make it stop 

I do 

But no matter what I try 

 I lose 

My Hope Is that You Also Love Me For The Changes I Bring

I hear the “pitter-patter” 

Of the rain outside

Not long ago

The sun 

Stared with an intensity

Of a loyal wife 

Who has laid eyes on her husband 

Being a tad less than that

How labile this world is 

I curse it

But then I see a reflection of myself 

For I am the sun

Who sets smiles upon faces 

Encourages hope

And freedom 

And laughter 

too fierce at times 

For I will burn you

I will make you seek shelter

I will make you want for less 

Tomorrow I will be the rain

Who steals the hope away 

From a better day

Who brings sadness

And grey 

But also 

I will bring the chill 

That leads to cuddles 

I will bring hot chocolate

And fluffy blankets 

I will bring kisses 

And fingers to hug yours 

How labile my emotions tend to be 

Like the world changing

Outside of my window 

As I love the to and fro of the sea

 My hope is that you also love me 

For the changes I bring 

At The End Of a Very Dark Road

How ominous

this random solitary toaster at the end of a very dark road

causing me to hesitate 

Forebodingly 

It stares at me

Daring me 

To come into the darkness 

I cannot look away

I cannot take a step

As if a coyote were in it’s place 

How ominous 

This solitary toaster

Sitting at the end of a very dark road 

In its silence

It haunts me 

I Probably Shouldn’t Say This

She says it’s confidential 

She says it’s confrontational 

I probably shouldn’t say this 

She wouldn’t want me to

But who cares 

She’s filled to the brim with anger 

It is squeezing out of every seam

Orafices 

Dripping

Like an addict

She’s trembling 

What does it all mean? 

She loves with all her heart 

But she hates him with all the heart she has left 

She would give him the world 

But she doesn’t have much of it

Left 

He’s calm 

Collected 

He sleeps with no care in all the land 

She stars at him with daggers for eyes 

And wants to faceplant him onto a mountainside 

She imagines her coffin nails digging deeply into his skin 

To pull out his heart 

If he ever had one in him

She dreams of the pain she would inflict 

As she lobotomized 

Those eyes of his 

Cross-stitched 

crochete needles stabbed in each ear 

The lies he spun

he can finally hear 

I probably shouldn’t say this 

It’s confidential she says 

But the anger she spouts is vibrating 

and the love she feels is sinking

When The Anxiety Hits Me

It’s hard to explain really.

It’s a wave of distrust in the people that I love the most.
It’s a moment of suspicion that grew from the seed of the most mundane moment.

Sometimes, it’s the inability to be truly happy.
Sometimes, it’s a sadness that has no reason.

It’s being afraid that one wrong glance can make someone hate you.
It’s worrying that one missed call means that you are no longer loved.

I wish that I could describe it to you in a way that you could read and simultaneously feel, just to understand what a person with anxiety goes through.

Sometimes, behind the silence and the smile, there is an entire hurricane going on inside. At times, it is in the mind. At times, it is in the heart. In the worst moments, it is in both.

It can feel like being short of breath accompanied by the ability to breathe.
It can feel like being tachycardic, but a glance at your heart rate tells you that you are just fine.
It can feel like you are in “fight or flight” mode for hours on end with nothing to fight and nothing to run from.

It can be days of negativity and anger when all you want is to feel love.

I catch glimpses of her sometimes ….. 


The girl behind the anxiety.  


Usually it’s within a candid photograph or mistaken video.


I see her laugh


-minus the  insecurities
-minus the doubt
-minus the worry
-minus the fear 
-minus the overthinking 


And she is beautiful. 


I don’t want you to read this and think… 

Less of me 

Worry for me 

Sadness for me 

Annoyance toward me 

Because the way that I see it…

People that go through this world battling anxiety and still 

-get up every morning 

-want to be the best version of themselves

-have hope for the present and future

-want to spread love and happiness 

-go to work in stressful challenging environments

-encourage and uplift

-LOVE 

Are some of the strongest and most compassionate people that I have ever met.

We go through this world with love and understanding, with empathy and hope.  Even though our moments can be harder to get through than some.  

We can comprehend your hurt, but we can also be your rock, because we have already faced a million thunderstorms within us and we know how to stand strong.  

I guess what I am trying to say, is that I am PROUD of the woman I am.  I am thankful for the  things that have made me become that woman I am today.

But I also catch glimpses of the girl behind the Anxiety sometimes.


AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL