When you think you see me

Never Silence the Madness

When she comes

It may be indistinguishable to you

You glance at me

And I smile back in return

Not one dew drop on my skin

You imagine to yourself what kind of life I may have

You imagine the cupcakes I must eat for dinner

You imagine the sugar and spice I must sprinkle on every meal

You imagine the organized perfectly placed items on my desk

The friends I must surround myself with

The laughs I share

The memories I must have accumulated from the amazing life I lead

But you don’t know

You don’t know I’m tormented by something I want to call a she

Because what else could she be

She’s jealous

And controlling

She’s slick

And manipulative

She slithers gracefully

But a bite so poisonous

It creeps so slowly

Like Guillain-Barre

starting from my toes

Nerve by nerve

Muscle weakness

Lung paralysis

I cannot breathe

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Don’t lift me up to drop me 

Never Silence the Madness

I wrote this poem September 27, 2016

I had found a happiness  but  with the same breath of this poem, and the fear of losing the love, I eventually let my anxiety tear apart what had become amazing.

Don’t you lift me up to drop me…

Don’t you dare fill me to the brim just to knock me over

The time it took to fill me

Drip by drip

Compliment after affection

Good deed after kisses on foreheads

Factor in the evaporation  equation

The occasional sip

Don’t you dare resuscitate this dying heart of mine

Just to pull the plug as I dream

As the pressure builds within my chest and the butterflies

Fling themselves against the walls of my thoracic cavity

Please don’t  intubate me

When its apparent that I can’t catch my breath

Don’t be afraid that I will detonate as the pressure becomes to strong for me…

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Dating Someone with Anxiety

-A boyfriend's Advice On a different post, I will dive into details about my journey with anxiety, but right now I feel like this is a post I really want to make.  What I want to say from the start is that, I am also new to anxiety, in the sense that, my awareness of... Continue Reading →

I’m sorry that I Hate Her

I'm sorry that I hate her With every vein in my body I hate her Innocent bystander To your wrong doings You hurt me Yet here I stand Unwavering By your side when I see her Innocent bystander My blood boils My fists clench My heart drops to the pit of my stomach And I... Continue Reading →

We are all Liars to some Extent

Fraud via Daily Prompt: Fraud We are all liars to some extent Compulsive Manipulative Liars   I know I lie Every day That I tell the world that I am okay I lie with every picture that I take The smile As if I'm happy The laugh As if I know laughter   The posts... Continue Reading →

Words Running through my Fingertips

I’ve always believed that I had words running through my fingertips   like water through a faucet   throughout my life, I’ve filled journal after journal   and the moment that you stepped into my life I became a blank page   one that I could not seem to fill   you rendered me speechless... Continue Reading →

Heart full of Tangled Emotions

how do you know you’re in love? with a head full of jumbled up thoughts and a heart stuffed with tangled emotions where does the thinking stop? where do the feelings begin? to feel as though- as though - and there I go…. not even knowing how to finish that sentence not being able to... Continue Reading →

Howl in hysterics

I was so engulfed in loving you immersed in the idea of us in the idea of you I began to lose the woman I was the woman I AM tossing my interests aside willing to forgo my passions relinquish my pleasures just to be with you now, where am I? not in the literal... Continue Reading →

I dance my way onward

rediscovering what life is like in a world devoid of your presence unearthing the ability to live a life where not every minute every moment of my day is engrossed in thinking about what you need with you missing from my life you would think my days would feel empty I was terrified that the... Continue Reading →

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