She thought she knew what she wanted 

She thought that it was all planned out and laid out in front of her

The hopeless romantic in her, told her that she would fall in love 

She would get the ring, she would get married, have the babies, live in the beautiful home with her family and her dogs

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One broken heart after another 

She began to retreat a little bit further

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Maybe it was the amount of times her heart broke 

Maybe it was a defense mechanism building a wall around that heart 

Maybe time made her begin to lose patience

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But she began to feel as though

Maybe she didn’t want that dream anymore 

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Maybe that dream was never meant for her 

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It was an endless disappointment every time she fell in love without bearing the fruit of the future

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It was an expectation that she was exhausted from wanting to fulfill 

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She wanted it so badly, she decided she didn’t want it at all

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I mean, what was it all really? 

Besides money on a finger, besides signatures on a paper 

Maybe there were more cons than pros anyway 

It’s not like any of it meant promises wouldn’t be broken on a future day 

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Maybe she had just become jaded 

Maybe fear had taken over 

That maybe vows meant nothing to her future lover 

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Either way

She couldn’t tell if it was frustration or sadness 

Desperation or fear 

whatever it was 

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She wanted it so badly, she decided 

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She really didn’t want any of it, anymore

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Neversilencethemadness.com 

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