I Can’t Be Mad At You

I can’t be mad at you

You stole my heart 

You tricked me 

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I can’t be mad at you 

I walked toward you with a veil over my eyes 

You led me blindly 

You robbed me 

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And I let you 

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How can I be mad at you ?

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You thief 

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Burglar

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Pirate 

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Swindler 

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You stole my heart 

Right from my chest 

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And I liked it

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#FOWC “thief”

You Are No Longer Mine

I read somewhere 

That you were no longer mine 

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That you finally opened up your heart 

And honestly, It was about time

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I read somewhere 

That you no longer belonged to me

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That our memories 

Are no longer cherished 

It’s not my heart that holds your key 

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I never expected you to wait forever 

To hide away 

And pine for my love 

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But I read somewhere 

That you are finally  happy and moved on

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My heart paused a little 

It broke for a moment 

As I remembered what we lost 

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But I always knew that our love 

Was gone 

When I walked away

I knew the cost  

That Could Be Me

I saw her scars 

Evidence of a life 

Where great just wasn’t good enough

Where She was always just one nip away from perfect 

One tuck away from perfection 

One stitch away from happiness 

I saw  her eyes of desperation 

As she picked at things I could not see 

Although I was happy to oblige 

I wondered where in her life she was during each scar 

I wondered about the painful recovery 

I wondered about the broken heart 

Or the healed one 

I wondered if she was finally close to happy 

I felt sadness for her

But only because that could be me 

One nip away from happiness 

One tuck away from perfection 

One stitch away from perfect 

My heart broke for her

But only because that could be me

Jenga

I wish I could make it stop 

I do 

It’s like

Playing jenga

Trying to figure out the puzzle

when it was already whole to begin with 

Every piece 

A clue that I must pull out and dissect 

poking holes through my own logic 

Seeing through my own thoughts 

Piling on top of each other 

Creating some form of a reality 

That is just destined to come tumbling down 

I wish I could make it stop 

I do 

The higher the tower grows

Force = mass x acceleration 

The harder the fall

The louder the noise 

Even when I see it tilting 

And I know just how this ends, the scene 

As soon as the bricks hit the ground 

It startles me 

I wish I could make it stop 

I do 

But no matter what I try 

 I lose 

With All My Heart

With all my heart 

I want you in my life forever

I want you there to rock me when I’m sick

I want you there, for me to cradle when you’re lonely. 

I want forever with you

I want always with you

I want your laugh 

And your anxiety 

I have endless questions 

And I want the lengthy answers 

I want you to care too much 

Love too much

Be too much 

I want you to sing

With my head on your shoulders 

Listen to the mockingbirds 

Hunt for treasure chests 

And sing with the dogs 

I want all of it

Forever 

I want it with you

Always 

You Aren’t My Type

You arent my type 

You are bland to my taste buds 

You are too clear 

Too obvious 

Too transparent 

I read you like crystal 

You just aren’t my type 

You, tall glass of refreshment 

Meant to quench my thirst 

Hydrate my dry desert skin 

But I do not trust you 

Or maybe, 

I trust you too much 

Because I know what to expect 

When you are placed before me 

On my table 

Into my hands 

You disgust me 

You, tall drink of water 

You, too good for me 

Necessity for life 

I see right through you 

And you are not my type 

So, This is What it Feels Like…

He looked at me while I spoke 

Eyes burning into my own 

Not an empty gaze 

But strong, with intent 

I knew the words coming from my mouth were nonsense 

The topic, trivial 

Just one of those conversations that

Quite honestly, 

Could have never happened 

And it wouldn’t have changed a thing in the world 

But there he was

Looking into my eyes 

Nodding his head, as if 

I was giving a speech for a Nobel prize 

A feeling was surging through me

This must be what it feels like

When someone is actually listening

2020

When I met you 

Early on 

You filled with me with so much hope 

We dreamt together 

About our future 

About our goals 

Where this life would lead us 

All the paths  we could take

The possibilities endless 

But you turned on me 

Devious 

Maniacal 

Sadistic 

You stole all my desires 

And locked me within my own four walls 

alienated me 

Placed me in solitary confinement 

Watched me squirm in discomfort 

As you sick my biggest fears upon me

A jungle being set loose within my streets 

A buzz so loud 

What sounds like inches from my ear

hoovers 50 ft away

You, maniac

I cannot contain you 

all the vulnerable are dying 

All  the apparent strong,

Are falling to their knees 

When I first met you

You made me feel hopeful 

But you tore through me

Wild and dangerous 

and I stand here speechless 

#FOWC “maniac”

A World Surrounded Her That Was Always Somehow Unreachable

I looked her in the eye 

And I told her how amazing she was

I told her she was beautiful 

I told her she was special 

All she heard was 

Her face lacked angles 

All she felt

was the way her tears fell from her eyes 

At any hint of emotion  

How she always gave more than she got in return 

All she digested was how a world surrounded her 

That was always somehow unreachable 

I felt her heart in her chest

Palpitating 

From the fear and anxiety 

of her reality

I hugged her close

I knew where the hurt stemmed from 

I knew the doubt 

The worst feeling 

Is to be ambivalent about oneself 

To look at yourself in the mirror 

to stare into your own eyes 

and in the same breath

See the queen you are 

And look away in disgust 

#FOWC word of the day “ambivalent”

My Hope Is that You Also Love Me For The Changes I Bring

I hear the “pitter-patter” 

Of the rain outside

Not long ago

The sun 

Stared with an intensity

Of a loyal wife 

Who has laid eyes on her husband 

Being a tad less than that

How labile this world is 

I curse it

But then I see a reflection of myself 

For I am the sun

Who sets smiles upon faces 

Encourages hope

And freedom 

And laughter 

too fierce at times 

For I will burn you

I will make you seek shelter

I will make you want for less 

Tomorrow I will be the rain

Who steals the hope away 

From a better day

Who brings sadness

And grey 

But also 

I will bring the chill 

That leads to cuddles 

I will bring hot chocolate

And fluffy blankets 

I will bring kisses 

And fingers to hug yours 

How labile my emotions tend to be 

Like the world changing

Outside of my window 

As I love the to and fro of the sea

 My hope is that you also love me 

For the changes I bring 

A Few Words I Know I’ll Never Hear

writing prompt from HITRECORD : A Few Things I Needed to Hear… From You

I am sorry that I hated you 

through your innocence 

Every move you made

Irked me to my core 

And I had to make you feel it 

I am sorry 

I am sorry that I made him choose me

When he should have chosen us 

But I made sure that you were never apart 

Of this whole

And I am so sorry 

I did everything I could to break you

Hinder you

Demolish you 

Shrink you 

I was wrong

And I am sorry. 

Soaked In The Salty Air

It smelled of musty air

Saturated in salt

Surrounded by unparalleled darkness

I knew blindly that there was an ocean beside me 

Filled with life  

Housing a world we barely have knowledge of 

I catch a glimpse 

Like a flashlight 

Offering a gift 

The waves crash upon each other 

Beautifully dangerous 

Unabashedly uncaring 

I’m overwhelmed with 

The realization of nature 

It’s strength

It’s determination 

It’s reluctance to be bothered by my presence 

Within the darkness

The ocean, my neighbor

An entire world at my feet

Soaked in the Salty air 

I am energized and fueled by Mother Earth

I am belittled and humbled by her 

And I am thankful 

On Most Days

On most days

She wakes up hours before I do

She jumps on my chest

Searing pain

Breathless 

On most days

I’m too tired to take her to the park

She barks at me 

Begging 

“I’m boooored” 

I can hear her thinking 

On most days 

I know she deserves more 

She looks at me

She tilts her head 

All the leverage she has on me 

She cuddles 

She wants to be loved

And I know I have to be the best me 

So that I can be the best for her

#FOWC word of the day “leverage”

My Fear

I remember what it felt like

To laugh with you

To watch your face turn red 

laughing so hard

You couldn’t breathe

I remember laughing with you 

All my muscles go weak

falling to the floor 

You just got me

Conversations with you

Were like portals into my own mind 

The sincerity of our confidence

and the admission of our insecurities 

We talked for hours 

Laughing so hard

I would cry 

And my fear 

My honest fear 

Is that I will never 

Find a way to laugh 

Like that again

That Much I Know

With so much unknown in the world today

There is an abundance of 

Fear

Sadness

Confusion

With a reality so new to us 

There is an overflowing amount of 

Resistance

Question

Panic 

The FACT of the matter is

despite what anyone says

There is definite 

Loss 

Loss of what life once was

Loss of loved ones 

Loss of stability 

From that, we have so much to

Gain

compassion

Unity

Love 

Out of everything I know right now

It’s that.

#FOWC “fact”