Calm your worries and feed your dreams
I can’t be mad at you
You stole my heart
You tricked me
.
.
.
I can’t be mad at you
I walked toward you with a veil over my eyes
You led me blindly
You robbed me
.
.
.
And I let you
.
.
.
How can I be mad at you ?
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.
.
.
You thief
.
.
.
Burglar
.
.
.
Pirate
.
.
.
Swindler
.
.
.
You stole my heart
Right from my chest
.
.
.
And I liked it
.
.
.
I read somewhere
That you were no longer mine
.
.
That you finally opened up your heart
And honestly, It was about time
.
.
I read somewhere
That you no longer belonged to me
.
.
That our memories
Are no longer cherished
It’s not my heart that holds your key
.
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I never expected you to wait forever
To hide away
And pine for my love
.
.
But I read somewhere
That you are finally happy and moved on
.
.
My heart paused a little
It broke for a moment
As I remembered what we lost
.
.
But I always knew that our love
Was gone
When I walked away
I knew the cost
I saw her scars
Evidence of a life
Where great just wasn’t good enough
Where She was always just one nip away from perfect
One tuck away from perfection
One stitch away from happiness
I saw her eyes of desperation
As she picked at things I could not see
Although I was happy to oblige
I wondered where in her life she was during each scar
I wondered about the painful recovery
I wondered about the broken heart
Or the healed one
I wondered if she was finally close to happy
I felt sadness for her
But only because that could be me
One nip away from happiness
One tuck away from perfection
One stitch away from perfect
My heart broke for her
But only because that could be me
Sometimes
My brain thinks so much
My heart worries so much
I wish I could step away from it all….
And breathe
I wish I could make it stop
I do
It’s like
Playing jenga
Trying to figure out the puzzle
when it was already whole to begin with
Every piece
A clue that I must pull out and dissect
poking holes through my own logic
Seeing through my own thoughts
Piling on top of each other
Creating some form of a reality
That is just destined to come tumbling down
I wish I could make it stop
I do
The higher the tower grows
Force = mass x acceleration
The harder the fall
The louder the noise
Even when I see it tilting
And I know just how this ends, the scene
As soon as the bricks hit the ground
It startles me
I wish I could make it stop
I do
But no matter what I try
I lose
With all my heart
I want you in my life forever
I want you there to rock me when I’m sick
I want you there, for me to cradle when you’re lonely.
I want forever with you
I want always with you
I want your laugh
And your anxiety
I have endless questions
And I want the lengthy answers
I want you to care too much
Love too much
Be too much
I want you to sing
With my head on your shoulders
Listen to the mockingbirds
Hunt for treasure chests
And sing with the dogs
I want all of it
Forever
I want it with you
Always
You arent my type
You are bland to my taste buds
You are too clear
Too obvious
Too transparent
I read you like crystal
You just aren’t my type
You, tall glass of refreshment
Meant to quench my thirst
Hydrate my dry desert skin
But I do not trust you
Or maybe,
I trust you too much
Because I know what to expect
When you are placed before me
On my table
Into my hands
You disgust me
You, tall drink of water
You, too good for me
Necessity for life
I see right through you
And you are not my type
He looked at me while I spoke
Eyes burning into my own
Not an empty gaze
But strong, with intent
I knew the words coming from my mouth were nonsense
The topic, trivial
Just one of those conversations that
Quite honestly,
Could have never happened
And it wouldn’t have changed a thing in the world
But there he was
Looking into my eyes
Nodding his head, as if
I was giving a speech for a Nobel prize
A feeling was surging through me
This must be what it feels like
When someone is actually listening
When I met you
Early on
You filled with me with so much hope
We dreamt together
About our future
About our goals
Where this life would lead us
All the paths we could take
The possibilities endless
But you turned on me
Devious
Maniacal
Sadistic
You stole all my desires
And locked me within my own four walls
alienated me
Placed me in solitary confinement
Watched me squirm in discomfort
As you sick my biggest fears upon me
A jungle being set loose within my streets
A buzz so loud
What sounds like inches from my ear
hoovers 50 ft away
You, maniac
I cannot contain you
all the vulnerable are dying
All the apparent strong,
Are falling to their knees
When I first met you
You made me feel hopeful
But you tore through me
Wild and dangerous
and I stand here speechless
I looked her in the eye
And I told her how amazing she was
I told her she was beautiful
I told her she was special
All she heard was
Her face lacked angles
All she felt
was the way her tears fell from her eyes
At any hint of emotion
How she always gave more than she got in return
All she digested was how a world surrounded her
That was always somehow unreachable
I felt her heart in her chest
Palpitating
From the fear and anxiety
of her reality
I hugged her close
I knew where the hurt stemmed from
I knew the doubt
The worst feeling
Is to be ambivalent about oneself
To look at yourself in the mirror
to stare into your own eyes
and in the same breath
See the queen you are
And look away in disgust
#FOWC word of the day “ambivalent”
I hear the “pitter-patter”
Of the rain outside
Not long ago
The sun
Stared with an intensity
Of a loyal wife
Who has laid eyes on her husband
Being a tad less than that
How labile this world is
I curse it
But then I see a reflection of myself
For I am the sun
Who sets smiles upon faces
Encourages hope
And freedom
And laughter
too fierce at times
For I will burn you
I will make you seek shelter
I will make you want for less
Tomorrow I will be the rain
Who steals the hope away
From a better day
Who brings sadness
And grey
But also
I will bring the chill
That leads to cuddles
I will bring hot chocolate
And fluffy blankets
I will bring kisses
And fingers to hug yours
How labile my emotions tend to be
Like the world changing
Outside of my window
As I love the to and fro of the sea
My hope is that you also love me
For the changes I bring
writing prompt from HITRECORD : A Few Things I Needed to Hear… From You
I am sorry that I hated you
through your innocence
Every move you made
Irked me to my core
And I had to make you feel it
I am sorry
I am sorry that I made him choose me
When he should have chosen us
But I made sure that you were never apart
Of this whole
And I am so sorry
I did everything I could to break you
Hinder you
Demolish you
Shrink you
I was wrong
And I am sorry.
It smelled of musty air
Saturated in salt
Surrounded by unparalleled darkness
I knew blindly that there was an ocean beside me
Filled with life
Housing a world we barely have knowledge of
I catch a glimpse
Like a flashlight
Offering a gift
The waves crash upon each other
Beautifully dangerous
Unabashedly uncaring
I’m overwhelmed with
The realization of nature
It’s strength
It’s determination
It’s reluctance to be bothered by my presence
Within the darkness
The ocean, my neighbor
An entire world at my feet
Soaked in the Salty air
I am energized and fueled by Mother Earth
I am belittled and humbled by her
And I am thankful
On most days
She wakes up hours before I do
She jumps on my chest
Searing pain
Breathless
On most days
I’m too tired to take her to the park
She barks at me
Begging
“I’m boooored”
I can hear her thinking
On most days
I know she deserves more
She looks at me
She tilts her head
All the leverage she has on me
She cuddles
She wants to be loved
And I know I have to be the best me
So that I can be the best for her
#FOWC word of the day “leverage”
I remember what it felt like
To laugh with you
To watch your face turn red
laughing so hard
You couldn’t breathe
I remember laughing with you
All my muscles go weak
falling to the floor
You just got me
Conversations with you
Were like portals into my own mind
The sincerity of our confidence
and the admission of our insecurities
We talked for hours
Laughing so hard
I would cry
And my fear
My honest fear
Is that I will never
Find a way to laugh
Like that again
With so much unknown in the world today
There is an abundance of
Fear
Sadness
Confusion
With a reality so new to us
There is an overflowing amount of
Resistance
Question
Panic
The FACT of the matter is
despite what anyone says
There is definite
Loss
Loss of what life once was
Loss of loved ones
Loss of stability
From that, we have so much to
Gain
compassion
Unity
Love
Out of everything I know right now
It’s that.
