This Is How I Want to Remember Her

writing prompt from FANDANGOS FLASH FICTION CHALLENGE #FFFC

This was how I wanted to remember her.  Even though, at so and so years old, wanting to run off and play.  Freezing for a dozen pictures sounded more like torture than a distant memory that I would cherish.  A memory that I coddle like Teeny the tiny hamster, perched upon my palms.  A moment that I prepared to lunge and grab if it came too close to scurrying away.  I hope that the eye rolls and the whining, while she squinted to get the picture just right translated in some way to “I Love You’s”.  I hope that all the groans and rushing off to someone else translated in some way to “I never want to lose you” and that she knew that I loved her with all my heart.  

As the years passed by, the squinting progressed into an honest inability to see.  Her fingers no longer had the dexterity to push the buttons on that darn camera.  It was too late to teach her to use a smart phone and standing long enough to herd us all together for a picture was practically an impossible feat.  

In less time than I realized, I became the one that wanted to capture every moment together.  I was the one that pushed her to smile for my camera, who recorded all of our adventures, even if it only took place in the comfort of our living room.  

In less time than I realized, the circle of life had made its complete circle.  I was making jokes and tricks to try and get her to eat as much nourishment as possible.  I was changing her soiled clothing.  I was comforting her when she was having a tantrum.  

I loved her even more then.  In all those moments, I realized how unconditional love can really be.  How much of the extra means nothing, when you are focused on the happiness and well being of the people you hold dear.  

But, this  is how I really want to remember her.  Chasing us around to capture a glimpse of our happiness.  The love in her effort.   The care in her intent.  Squinting to get the picture just right.  Standing strong for all of us to remember.  

Sunday Spoken Word : And Her Name Is…

original post: And Her Name Is…

Again, it’s impossible to get anyone to understand what anxiety feels like, when you don’t suffer from it yourself. This is my struggle with anxiety, with the evil whispers that anxiety likes to speak on a daily basis and the fight to keep my anxiety under control.

The One That Got Away

She was always “the one that got away” 

The one that loved until her heart bled dry

The one that gave and gave

Until even her capillaries collapsed from being hollow 

.

.

She was always the one that held on too long 

Until her calloused hands gave way 

Until her knees buckled from the weight 

.

.

She was always the one that felt a hand reach out for her

As soon as she was just out of reach 

The one that heard her name being called from the tree tops 

As she ventured out of the city 

The one that saw fireworks spelling out her name 

As she rode her own self out into the sunset 

.

.

Because she never needed anyone to take her on that bike 

She never depended on anyone to keep her warm 

.

.

She was a fire all on her own 

.

.

She may have been directionally challenged

But give her the tools and by God she will find herself exactly where she needed to be 

.

.

She was always “the one that got away” 

Because the men in her life didn’t know whether to fan her fire 

Or deprive her of the oxygen to shine 

.

.

The men in her life were either terrified that beside her, 

She would either burn much brighter 

Or push them to ignite their own 

.

.

And neither option ever felt right for them at the time

.

.

She was always “the one that got away” 

Because once she decided she was done 

She was never turning back

She was never refueling her heart for the same drive 

.

.

And the men in her life thought that 

She would always be there to pick them up when they fell

.

.

In every love story, she was never replaceable

Her fire burned a different shade of bright 

.

.

In every love story, 

The new, the next, and the right after 

Sat dim in comparison to her

.

.

In every love story, 

They looked for her

They cried for her

They feened for her 

They hungered for every bit of love she fed them

.

.

Because you never know what you have lost

Until it’s really gone

.

.

You never know what you have lost 

Until you tasted and nothing tastes as sweet 

Until you have hugged and no one is as warm 

Until you have tried and realized that no one else 

Compares 

.

.

And you fear you will see her hand in hand 

With someone that appreciates her 

With someone that loves her 

With someone that is ready to fan her fire 

And ignite his own

.

.

Because that is exactly who she needs

When a fire shines that bright 

.

.

A man who wants to feed her fire

Not because she needs him to

Not because she will wither away without him 

But because he is fueled by her beauty 

He shines just as bright without her

But glows with her by his side 

.

.

When fire meets fire 

She is no longer “the one that got away”

He is no longer the hands that got burned by her flame

They are no longer fires at either end waiting 

For who will survive without oxygen the longest 

.

.

Because their flame shines brighter with them together 

Their fire brightens the pathway forward 

Their fire pushes the darkness away from their souls 

.

.

She is no longer “the one that got away” because 

She is shining

She is loving 

She is HERE 

.

.

Neversilencethemadness.com 

.

.

#bloggerstyle #blogger #poetry #poemsofinstagram #poetrylovers #poet #spokenword 

Sunday Spoken Word : When You Think You See Me…

ORIGINAL POST: WHEN YOU THINK YOU SEE ME….

My attempt at doing the impossible, getting people that don’t have anxiety or panic attacks, to understand what it may feel like. Especially since so many people that suffer with anxiety have the capability to appear completely fine, while they struggle within.

She Wanted it So Badly, She Decided She Didn’t Want it at All 

She thought she knew what she wanted 

She thought that it was all planned out and laid out in front of her

The hopeless romantic in her, told her that she would fall in love 

She would get the ring, she would get married, have the babies, live in the beautiful home with her family and her dogs

.

.

One broken heart after another 

She began to retreat a little bit further

.

.

Maybe it was the amount of times her heart broke 

Maybe it was a defense mechanism building a wall around that heart 

Maybe time made her begin to lose patience

.

.

But she began to feel as though

Maybe she didn’t want that dream anymore 

.

.

Maybe that dream was never meant for her 

.

.

It was an endless disappointment every time she fell in love without bearing the fruit of the future

.

.

It was an expectation that she was exhausted from wanting to fulfill 

.

.

She wanted it so badly, she decided she didn’t want it at all

.

.

I mean, what was it all really? 

Besides money on a finger, besides signatures on a paper 

Maybe there were more cons than pros anyway 

It’s not like any of it meant promises wouldn’t be broken on a future day 

.

.

Maybe she had just become jaded 

Maybe fear had taken over 

That maybe vows meant nothing to her future lover 

.

.

Either way

She couldn’t tell if it was frustration or sadness 

Desperation or fear 

whatever it was 

.

.

She wanted it so badly, she decided 

.

.

She really didn’t want any of it, anymore

.

.

Neversilencethemadness.com 

.

.

#bloggerstyle #blogger #poetry #poemsofinstagram #poetrylovers #poet #spokenword 

Sunday Spoken Word: Broken Pieces

original poem : BROKEN PIECES

Sometimes, we feel like we have been through so much in our life that we broken.

Sometimes, we meet that person that wants to be there to hold your hand while you heal

and sometimes, I think we worry that those burdens are just way too much for our loved ones to hold on to with you and in reality, it isn’t anyone else’s responsibility to heal you.

but sometimes we meet that person that wants to hold your hand while you heal despite the difficulties, despite tears, because they love you.

Her First Love Story

He listened to her intently as the tears fell from her cheeks 

He stared at her bewildered as she gasped for breaths between words 

Had he known that his choices at the precipice of her love would break her even 20 years into the future, he might have chosen differently

.

.

But would he really? 

.

.

As she lay, curled into the blanket, limbs writhing from the pain radiating from her heart, from the memories of her past, he stood there, mouth gaping wide 

.

.

How could he have been so careless? 

How could he take her gentle soul and defame it ? 

How could he take all the love she gave him and set it down as if it wasn’t the most precious gift she could have offered? 

.

.

“Your love traumatized me” she wailed

“I gave you every part of me” she groaned

.

.

As she doubled over in pain, in weakness, in horror

There was nothing he could do but place a hand on her shoulder for comfort

.

.

She was right 

.

.

Every way that he had fractured her heart initiated the deep cracks that still find themselves way too difficult to heal 

.

.

No matter what she did to smooth out the edges, fill in the holes

No matter what man came to her with love and praise and affection 

.

.

She was never able to satiate the ache her heart felt 

.

.

His words echoed in every future relationship 

His doubt and hesitation manifested into her fear for the future 

.

.

And with each failed love story, she felt increasingly defeated 

.

.

A little more hopeless 

A little more helpless 

A little more pessimistic 

.

.

But his love story, their love story 

Will always be the love story that broke her

.

.

Their love story will always be the one that started it all 

Their love story will always be the one that took her gentle soul, her innocent love, and her forgiving heart and crushed it, demolished it, tarnished it

.

.

He wished with every fiber of his being that he could rewrite their love story

That he could erase the pain 

That he could heal her broken parts 

.

.

But a love story cannot be rewritten, it cannot be unwritten

She just has to find a way to give herself the happy ending that she knows she deserves on her own

.

.

Neversilencethemadness.com 

.

.

#bloggerstyle #blogger #poetry #poemsofinstagram #poetrylovers #poet #spokenword 

WEDNESDAY: Work Up the Courage To Do Something You’re Afraid Of

I Found a Boy- Adele

There are so many things in this life that I’d love to do, but feel so shy to do, scared to do, timid to do. Little by little I have broken through small hurdles.. and today, I wanna try to jump over another one. 

All my life, I have loved singing. I would sing karaoke through the night, as long as I thought no one could hear me. As soon as I heard a door creak, my throat would close, and I couldn’t get a note out. I would say, the only person that has heard me sing at the top of my lungs is my partner. Thank goodness, 🙏 he allows me to sing through all the road trips, through all the cleaning days without judging me, without complaining that I’m an ear sore 😝. 

He make me feel so comfortable to be my 100% true self. Open, vulnerable, raw. I am in no way, a great singer lol, but I love to sing, I love listening to the passions in others’ voices and I wish that for myself. My partner encourages me to love myself and my passions, he is super supportive with the things I do end up trying. 

Anyway… Here I am, working up the courage to do something I’m afraid of. I still feel shy recording myself singing, I’m terrified to make it public lol. But …. why not… live my life, love myself, and stop holding back.

Sunday Spoken Word : I May Be Nothing But a Stranger

original poem : I May Be Nothing But a Stranger

People cross our paths every day whether it’s a lasting relationship, first and only impression, or a person meant to change our route and walk away. We never know what someone else is going through. The least we can offer anyone in this world, is compassion. We need to have love, spread love, give love, to be able to be someone that is capable of receiving love in return.

SUNDAY SPOKEN WORD: Dimples, Deep as the Oceans

Just a poem about a woman who lost her son in one of the most unimaginable heartbreaking ways and the way that she still smiles toward the world and tries to carry on with her life. We never know the hurt that is going on within someone else. So, let’s all please be kind, love, allow yourself to be loved, and ask for the help when you need it. ❤️

original poem : Dimples, Deep as the Oceans

He Made You Believe

When his lips touched yours 

All the wailing cries from every heartbreak 

Were sucked out of your body 

Like a cleansing of your soul

.

.

When your fingers touched, 

Every tear you cried became the fuel for a better tomorrow 

.

.

When you handed him you heart, he buffed out all the imperfections 

Left by the men that couldn’t handle you 

.

.

And he gave it back nearly perfect 

.

.

He made you believe that you were his forever 

He made you believe that he was yours too 

.

.

The happiness in your smile makes me believe 

That you thought he would never leave you 

.

.

He spoke to you of all the ways 

And all the ways 

And all the ways 

.

.

He spoke to you of the future 

And all the days 

And the way he would stay. 

.

.

He held your hand and you thought

“This warmth could survive me through a winter storm”

.

.

You wouldn’t imagine life without him anymore 

.

.

Yes, he made you believe 

.

.

That it was you and him forever 

.

.

You couldn’t have known that it would be your last December 

.

.

When he walked away so suddenly, your heart was ripped entirely from your chest

He promised you so much more

He handed you so much less

.

.

He made you believe you were his forever

He made you believe he was yours too

.

.

Then you were stuck in the sidelines as he rode away with her to get away from you

.

.

As he rode into the sunset with his new love between his arms

You were deserted, deflated, embarrassed, appalled

Because the one you loved so quickly

Never really loved you at all

.

.

Neversilencethemadness.com 

.

.

#bloggerstyle #blogger #poetry #poemsofinstagram #poetrylovers #poet 

.

.

WEDNESDAY: Work Up the Courage To Do Something You’re Afraid Of

There are so many things in this life that I’d love to do, but feel so shy to do, scared to do, timid to do. Little by little I have broken through small hurdles.. and today, I wanna try to jump over another one.

All my life, I have loved singing. I would sing karaoke through the night, as long as I thought no one could hear me. As soon as I heard a door creak, my throat would close, and I couldn’t get a note out. I would say, the only person that has heard me sing at the top of my lungs is my partner. Thank goodness, 🙏 he allows me to sing through all the road trips, through all the cleaning days without judging me, without complaining that I’m an ear sore 😝.

He makes me feel so comfortable to be my 100% true self. Open, vulnerable, raw. I am in no way, a great singer lol, but I love to sing, I love listening to the passions in others’ voices and I wish that for myself. My partner encourages me to love myself and my passions, he is super supportive with the things I do end up trying.

Anyway… Here I am, working up the courage to do something I’m afraid of. I still feel shy recording myself singing, I’m terrified to make it public lol. But …. why not… live my life, love myself, and stop holding back.

killing me softly

SUNDAY SPOKEN WORD: Rediscovery

I wrote this poem back in 2016, after moving to LA from Northern California. I came here for Nursing School and I made the move all alone. I walked away from a long term relationship because he wasn’t ready to make the move with me and that left me feeling very confused. I was proud of myself for making the move, for my future, for my well being. I was excited because I was beginning this new chapter of my life filled with growth and it was a road I knew without a doubt that I wanted to take, but walking away from someone that I had spent the last 6 years with in the same breath, was heartbreaking. The first year or two in LA was a time for rediscovery. I was learning how to live my life for myself and not having to worry about another persons needs. For the first time in my life, I was only needing to care about what I wanted and what I needed. But I was left with insecurities that ran deep into my childhood and were reinforced by a relationship that didn’t work. That’s when I found my passion in dancing again and I realized within those years how much dancing filled me with happiness, and confidence. It took time before I was able to slowly break free from some of the constraints I had within myself, but I owe all of it to music, dance, and a special someone that never gave up on me. In the moments that I was at my lowest, I had someone new in my life that never let me feel the insecurities that weighed me down. When I didn’t have the confidence to shake the thoughts off, he was there to remind me of how amazing he thought I was. Eventually, I began to believe it.

It’s amazingly true, that positive affirmations can change your mindset and change your life. Even when I struggled to believe ALL the things, he pushed me to say them over and over again. He made me believe them, and eventually I rediscovered the love that I had for myself.

I still struggle on a daily with insecurities, with anxiety. I still question myself and have doubts. I still keep myself in a bubble and shy away from things that I enjoy because of my own fears of letting loose. But I work on it every day as well. I have a supportive partner that encourages me to love myself and reminds me of all my potential. Every day, I hope to rediscover more about myself, love more about myself, and break away from the bubble I keep myself in. Every day is a new chance for change and growth that I hope to continue for the rest of my life.

original poem : Rediscovery

I KNOW YOU LOVE HIM

I know your heart aches for him hun

But he is no longer yours to love 

.

.

I’m sorry that he rode past you in the sunset 

I’m sorry that he made you feel as though you weren’t enough

.

.

He took the little pieces of your broken heart, sewed them back together 

Just to take that seam apart 

His bear hands with a ripper

.

.

I know you love him babe

But his heart belongs to someone else

He took his heart 

Placed it in her hands

The cards that he holds

Are the cards that he’s been dealt 

.

.

You need to let him go, love

His hands are no longer the hands for you to grasp when you are afraid 

Because when she becomes lonely 

her body is where his hands lay 

.

.

women move on when they are ready 

Not a second too soon, not a moment too late

.

.

But hun, you cannot fight what is fate 

.

.

There is so much more to life, love

You will find the one that wants you near 

.

.

But he is not the one you are searching for 

The love of your life, is not him, my dear

.

.

Neversilencethemadness.com 

.

.

#bloggerstyle #blogger #poetry #poemsofinstagram #poetrylovers #poet 

SUNDAY SPOKEN WORD: Don’t Lift Me Up to Drop me

I’ve always LOVED listening to spoken word. Some really amazing poets have made me cry my eyes out with their beautiful words and the way that they convey those emotions in spoken word. I have been shy my entire life and things that I am passionate about are things that I find difficult to be open and vulnerable in. I decided to start recording my poems starting from the first one I have posted here on my blog.

I have always been super uncomfortable on camera especially on video, but I want to start breaking out of my little shy bubble and trying different things for my own self growth and self love.

This is my first time recording a poem like this, so please be gentle. One day I hope to be able to not be so shy and perform my poetry with the emotions that I feel with them…. until then… here I go…..

original poem : Don’t lift me up to drop me

MY GRANDMA’S LAST GOODBYE

A lot happened in the short amount of time between when my grandma got sick and when I lost her. The timeline is something that I feel like I will forever hold dear. In my last full conversation with my grandmother, she spontaneously called my sister and I on video chat and she talked to us while I was on my way to work. She spoke of all the things she normally mentioned, we said our goodbyes, we told her we loved her and that we would talk to her later.

The thing that I thought was odd about that goodbye, was that she asked me to call her on my break. She never asked me to call her that quickly. She would usually say something to the effect of “call me later, talk to you soon” but she never told me to call her on my lunch break. I didn’t think too much of it, but the next time I was able to really talk to her, she was on oxygen. We spoke for a moment, she was able to talk to me, but I could tell it was hard for her to speak for very long, so I told her to rest and that I would call her again soon. She gained her wings a few days after that.

I fight tears typing this memory of my last moments with my Grandma because, like everyone I know that has lost a loved one, we wish we had more time, we wish the phone call was longer, we wish we could have visited one last time. I know that I called my grandma often, I know that I always made sure I told her how much I loved her, and how much I missed her, but I wish I could have done more.

She helped raise me my entire life. My memories of her are all good ones; rocking me on her legs when I was sick, hanging out with me at the mall. She would always stop at McDonald’s and get a fish filet with fries and no salt with a Diet Coke. It wasn’t until I became an adult that I realized it was never called a fish filet, and that it was called “filet of fish”. She would walk me to the library as a kid and feed my love of books. We would go to random stores and she would ask me to pick something out that I wanted, and I was always browsing book stores for my next favorite read. We would sing karaoke together as my Grandpa would say we were out of tune 😂. I would help her with her little yard sales and packing her balikbayan boxes.

My Grandma held one of the biggest parts of my heart and losing her was something I feared for forever.

ANYWAY

The point of my post was not to reminisce about my Grandma, but to tell you about a dream I had after she passed away.

Whatever your spiritual or religious beliefs are, I have to say, there is definitely a common thread between people that have lost loved ones, and then dreaming of their loved ones saying goodbye.

A few days after losing my Grandma, I had a dream. I was being driven by someone on the backroad of somewhere. It was evening it seemed like. looked like a storm was coming but it wasn’t raining yet. I was thinking that I needed to find my Grandma because I knew she was leaving and I needed to see her before she left. I ended up catching her going in the opposite direction as I was on the road, and we flipped a U-turn and met up with my Grandma in some garage. We both got out of the car and hugged each other super tight. We were both crying and I was telling her

“I don’t want you to go home yet, I don’t want you to go”

and my Grandma replied “I have to go”

It was then that I woke up and I was balling my eyes out. The rest of that day was a hard day. But I knew that she was telling me goodbye. She was giving my soul a last hug from her. She was letting me know that everything was going to be okay.

I heard somewhere that when we lose loved ones, we are so saddened by that loss, we are sad for them. The reality is, when our loved ones gain their wings, they are at peace. They are surrounded by their lost loved ones. They are happy. The reason why we are so saddened is because we are sad for the moments we won’t have with them, the moments we will miss them, the moments we want them to have with us.

I am sure that our loved ones are sad to leave our physical world. but once they gain their wings, they can be with us always. They will be with us in all those moments, they are beside us when we need them most.

Maybe you don’t believe in the afterlife. Maybe you don’t believe in spirits or them being able to visit after death. But for me, I find comfort in knowing my Grandma reached out to me. She gave me a hug before she left. We cried together, we said goodbye. And she waits in heaven with Grandpa and her siblings, for the day that we are all together again.

For anyone that knew my during all my prerequisites in college, this EXACTLY what I looked like on the couch studying. Every single day.

I LET HER SLEEP BECAUSE I KNOW…

I let her sleep because I know .. 

when she’s awake her thoughts are a minefield 

Speckled with all the moments that make her heart explode with sadness 

.

.

.

When she is caught dreaming 

I let her enjoy those minutes

.

.

.

Because I know that the second she is awake 

She is bombarded with a laundry list that she alone has made urgent

.

.

.

I let her sleep because for a few short breaths

Her brows are unfurled 

Her face, peaceful 

And as soon as that is interrupted 

The worry and anxiety creep in 

.

.

.

Every “what if” is a scenario that has happened

All possibilities become fact 

Intervened by the rational parts of her mind 

.

.

.

Her psyche 

A sword fight 

With no real winner 

While she sits in the audience preparing for which 

Long lost friend she will have to have to put to rest first 

.

.

.

Her body 

Ready to fight 

Her legs ready for flight 

Adrenaline coursing through her veins 

To save her from the unknown monster 

She’s struggling with that day 

.

.

.

You see… 

.

.

.

I let her sleep because I love her 

I let her sleep because there is only so much I can do to save her 

There is only so much I can do to protect her 

.

.

.

And when I see her peaceful,

Even for just a moment,

I could never take that from her

.

.

.

Neversilencethemadness.com 

.

.

#bloggerstyle #blogger #poetry #poemsofinstagram #poetrylovers

WHEN DEATH CAME KNOCKING

I understand why she wanted

To walk away from this world

Why, when death started knocking

She opened the door and let him in

.

.

.

She was tired of all the moments that her heart broke

She was tired  of mustering  all her strength to put it back together

She was tired of the endless fear 

The chipping away of her plaster encased heart

And the fragile contents within

.

.

.

When death came knocking 

She smiled and opened the door 

“I’ve been waiting for you” she said 

“Take me, death.  I have grown impatient”

.

.

.

What torture this life has been

The never ending strive for better

For happiness 

For success 

For love 

For acceptance 

For laughs 

And hugs 

And tender fingertips 

.

.

.

Passionate kisses were never so hard to find

.

.

.

And 

A man that would throw her heart around 

Was always around the corner

.

.

.

But when morning comes

And the truth invades

She wished that she could not exist 

She wished that she could tear through the temporary comfort that softened her fall 

She wished she could rip through her own skin 

Make herself inside out 

Bleed until she slept an endless nap 

She wanted to break faces 

Hear her echoed screams 

Burn a house down to its bones

.

.

.

Why was life so difficult?

.

.

.

Why was happiness a foreign language,

That surfaced so few and far between?

.

.

.

She wanted it all to stop 

Her worry 

Her beating heart 

Her fear 

Her tears 

.

.

.

And then death came knocking at her door 

She smiled her own mischievous smile 

And said .. 

“Take me”

.

.

.

Neversilencethemadness.com 

.

.

#bloggerstyle #blogger #poetry #poemsofinstagram #poetrylovers

The Crimson Petal and the White

This book had been on my shelf for years now. I’ve meant to read it, and started it a few times. It wasn’t for lack lack on interest that I didn’t read it, I just found myself too busy to dive into an 800+ page book. Based in 1870s London, it is about a 19 year old whore working her way up in society. I can’t wait to finally get to finish it. Anyone what wants to read along with me… I’d love to Have you 💋

*fun fact : this was the book Emily Gilmore mentions in an episode of Gilmore Girls lol

I Will Dance With You Forever, My Love

When the music starts 

I know where my feet will take me 

.

.

When the music ends

I know whose hands will lead me forward 

.

.

You are my strength 

When my body feels weak 

.

.

I am your warmth 

When your body feels cold 

.

.

I will dance with you forever 

My love 

.

.

My fingers will always be there to interlace

With yours 

.

.

Like puzzle pieces created to fit 

.

.

Your hands on my waist 

Your hands on my hips 

.

.

“When you dip, I dip, we dip” 

.

.

I will dance with you forever 

My Love 

.

.

As long as the music plays 

My feet will dance their way towards you 

.

.

But when the music ends 

And all is eerily calm 

.

.

When the room is empty 

And all is gone 

.

.

We will create the music to drive us 

We will find the melody to take us home

.

.

Neversilencethemadness.com 

.

.

#bloggerstyle #blogger #poetry #poemsofinstagram #poetrylovers #poet 

POT PIES REMIND ME OF MY MOTHER

As I sit here on my lunch break at work tonight

I dig into the first pot pie I’ve had in years 

Daydream of my childhood 

When my mom would make pot pies for dinner 

When we had blueberry pie and vanilla ice cream for a treat 

.

.

I didn’t know then

What a simple pot pie would mean to me now 

.

.

I didn’t know before

The warmth of this pot pie 

Would also bring warmth to my heart 

.

.

Remembrance of the family I lost

The time we had together 

The aroma of laughter 

And a stomach full of stability and peace 

.

.

Pot pies, apparently remind me of my mother 

Of the days when she was my mommy 

Of the long evenings playing in the backyard 

Of the living room workouts 

Of the halloween costumes that she would make from scratch

Of the movie dates 

Of karate class

When she would cheer me on from the side lines hoping I would eventually throw a punch

Of the leotards for gymnastics 

Of the cartwheels I couldn’t do

Of the long sushi lunch

.

.

It all reminds me of her

Of my little hand in hers 

Of our chubby fingers 

And our chubby toes 

.

.

Laughing about the little things that only her and I know

.

.

Pot pies remind me a lot of my mother 

.

.

When she would call us in for dinner 

Dance her way around 

With hugs strong enough to smother

.

.

When she would sit us all down 

Sing her way to the freezer

And then surprise us with dessert

.

.

Neversilencethemadness.com 

.

.

#bloggerstyle #blogger #poetry #poemsofinstagram #poetrylovers

Most Days

Most days 

I do the things I Love 

I seek out the things that make me happy 

I love the people around me that I hold dear 

.

.

Most days 

I dance because I love the music 

I sing because I love the words 

I cry because I feel the passion 

.

.

Most days 

I live my life 

Go from point A to point B 

Grateful for the day I have been given 

Hopeful for tomorrow 

Learning from the memory of my past 

.

.

Most days 

I inhale the beauty that this world places before me 

I exhale the impossibles 

And I get myself to tomorrow 

.

.

But ….. 

.

.

Some days 

I miss the comfort of being able to call you any time of the day 

To hear your voice 

To vent insecurities 

To remind ourselves that we are queens 

.

.

Some days 

I really miss the road trips 

The Cuddles 

And hearing your laughter 

I miss the way your hand held mine 

The way your laughter turned your face red 

And I could barely catch a glimpse of your eyes 

.

.

Some days 

I fear that I will never be able to laugh again 

That I will forever only be able to giggle 

That I will only have enough happiness in me to smile 

.

.

Some days 

I fear that I will never be whole 

Because you are no longer with me 

There will always be a veil of sadness 

There will always be a piece missing 

.

.

Most days, mother

I tell myself that everything happens for a reason 

I find comfort in knowing that you are happy and at peace 

Free of the stress and struggle that the physical world hands us 

.

.

But some days, mother 

My heart breaks from your absence 

My heart aches for the future we will not have together 

For the grandchildren you will not meet 

For the dances we will not dance

Songs we will not sing 

The unfinished dreams that you held in your pocket 

That never got to see the light of day 

.

.

Some days, mother 

I miss you so terribly

I cannot believe that you are not here with me 

But I get myself together

Wipe the tears 

And I make it to tomorrow 

Love Made Them Foolish, Nonsensical Lunatics 

He was foolish 

.

.

He reeked of inexperience 

.

.

Lacked the emotional wherewithal to create something worth while 

.

.

But the look in his eyes said he wanted to try 

.

.

The passion in his lips said inexperience in one doesn’t mean inexperience in all 

.

.

He was an ASININE excuse for a partner 

.

.

But as a lover, he was a 5 star vacation of a lifetime 

.

.

He begged to prove he was more than face value 

.

.

Climbed mountains to show he was more than skin deep 

.

.

Ripped open his heart to prove to her that there was even a heart to see 

.

.

She was foolish

.

.

She reeked of a woman with too much experience but a heart too big that none of it mattered

.

.

She lacked the emotional wherewithal to stand by her word 

.

.

But the look in her eyes said she wanted to try 

.

.

The ache in her heart meant she still had enough of one in there for one more heartbreak 

.

.

But she was willing to put that piece of her heart in his hands and trust him not to crush it

.

.

She was an ASININE excuse for a partner 

.

.

Because she was all-in with one foot out of the door at every moment

.

.

But as a lover, she was a 5 star vacation of a lifetime 

.

.

She begged to prove that she was more than just broken pieces 

.

.

She climbed mountains to show that the glue holding her together was strong enough to carry them both 

.

.

Ripped open her heart to prove to him that there was enough in there to keep on loving

.

.

They were an ASININE excuse for partners 

.

.

Love made them foolish, nonsensical lunatics 

.

.

But as lovers they were a 5 star vacation of a lifetime 

.

.

And at the end of that lifetime, who wouldn’t choose to live it as such?

.

.

In what love story, are there lovers that aren’t foolish, that haven’t lost their senses? 

.

.

In what scenario does love not make you both a little crazy for each other? 

.

.

I truly do not know, but if you ask them, they will tell you…. 

.

.

It is going to be hard, but most things Worth having usually are

.

.

True love, knocks us a little off our senses 

.

.

But at the end of every day you just have to say

.

.

I choose you 

Response to NEVER SILENCE THE MADNESS POETRY PROMPT “ASININE”

The Universe is an IMPLACABLE Thing

With every twist and turn

The world tried to tear them apart 

.

.

Whispers that linger 

Cuts that sting deep

.

.

The unforgiving movement 

That made one nauseated while they sleep

.

.

Photographs 

Pyrography etched into ones mind 

.

.

Memories

The reality that there is never really time 

.

.

But the universe is an implacable thing 

With it’s mind made up 

There is no real twisting and turning 

.

.

Every bump in the road 

Every detour 

Every kink in the path 

.

.

What is meant to be 

Will be 

And the universe will handle that 

.

.

She is adamant, relentless 

She is unforgiving when she knows what she wants 

.

.

The universe doesn’t care which way the world tries to turn 

She will spin it backwards and forwards 

.

.

She will linger

She will haunt

.

.

She drowns out the whispers 

Blows on the cuts 

.

.

Navigates through the moments 

When we all get a little lost 

.

.

She is an implacable thing 

.

.

And in the end 

She always gets what she wants.   

Response to Never Silence The Madness Poetry Prompt “implacable”

NEVER SILENCE THE MADNESS POETRY PROMPT “Asinine” 

A few months ago, I started a book club, on FB called NEVER SILENCE THE MAD READER. As I was reading this particular book, our first book of the club, I realized it had so many large words that I had to look up. This was a very discouraging realization because in high school, I had so much pride in myself for being an avid reader. As an adult, I didn’t get the chance to read as much, but I didn’t think my vocabulary was as limited as it was. By the end of the first book, I chalked it up to the book itself. I mean, it was called “Special Topics in Calamity physics”, what else was I going to expect? 

LOL a bunch of hard words….. 

turns out…. It wasn’t the book, because come Decembers book, and I’m still writing down a long list of words I do not know hahaha 

Anyway, I decided to write poems for each word to help me ingrain the definition into my mind. I thought it would help expand my apparently minuscule pool of vernacular. Once I started doing this, I thought, hey! why not start a poetry group and post poetry prompts, I’m already “prompting” myself, I’ll just share it, and others can join if they want to. 

I started a poetry group on FB called NEVER SILENCE THE MAD POET and I began posting my word of the week or poetry prompts. I recently decided, I’ll try sharing it on here as well and 🙏 would love it if anyone would like to participate and tag their ping backs to #NSTMPP

This weeks poetry prompt will be the word “Asinine” 

according to Merriam-webster:

1: extremely or utterly foolish or silly an asinine excuse

2: of, relating to, or resembling an ass

pingback to #NSTMPP 

I’d love to read your work. 

NEVER SILENCE THE MADNESS POETRY PROMPT “IMPLACABLE” 

A few months ago, I started a book club, on FB called NEVER SILENCE THE MAD READER. As I was reading this particular book, our first book of the club, I realized it had so many large words that I had to look up. This was a very discouraging realization because in high school, I had so much pride in myself for being an avid reader. As an adult, I didn’t get the chance to read as much, but I didn’t think my vocabulary was as limited as it was. By the end of the first book, I chalked it up to the book itself. I mean, it was called “Special Topics in Calamity physics”, what else was I going to expect? 

LOL a bunch of hard words….. 

turns out…. It wasn’t the book, because come Decembers book, and I’m still writing down a long list of words I do not know hahaha 

Anyway, I decided to write poems for each word to help me engrain the definition into my mind. I thought it would help expand my apparently minuscule pool of vernacular. Once I started doing this, I thought, hey! why not start a poetry group and post poetry prompts, I’m already “prompting” myself, I’ll just share it, and others can join if they want to. 

I started a poetry group on FB called NEVER SILENCE THE MAD POET and I began posting my word of the week or poetry prompts. I recently decided, I’ll try sharing it on here as well and 🙏 would love it if anyone would like to participate and tag their ping backs to #NSTMPP

This weeks poetry prompt will be the word “IMPLACABLE” 

according to Merriam-Webster dictionary :

not placable not capable of being appeased, significantly changed, or mitigated an implacable enemy

1. used to describe (someone who has) strong opinions or feelings that are impossible to change

pingback to #NSTMPP 

I’d love to read your work. 

She Wondered if He Ever Spoke of Her Like That

All she wanted was to feel his finger tips 

She wanted to hear songs about their future

She wanted see the score wrap around their bodies as he spoke of all the ways he loved her 

She wanted nothing more than to be aroused by the tales of his day

The plans that he’s made 

The blueprint of his life that had her etched into every corner 

She wanted to feel his lips between hers 

Electricity 

Magnetism 

Fire 

She hungered for him 

Not only his skin 

And his kisses 

Or the way that he looked at her 

She hungered for his mind and his strength 

His vulnerability 

His passion 

His erudite rant on all the things she once knew nothing of 

Or even cared to know 

Watching his wheels turn as he spoke of all the things he loved 

The details of every manufacturer, the rational for every dip and turn 

The intricacies of every click and clack 

The admiration of the beauty and the perfection 

She wondered, 

if he ever spoke of her like that 

Response to #NSTMPP “ERUDITE”

The Petals of the Rose I Am Born

I am defeated 

Wilted 

The petals of the rose I am born 

Pathetic 

In the way she lacks to stand 

The spine 

Her fibers once full of hydration 

Cannot bear to hold her up 

She is thirsty 

Days she went without satisfying the quench 

Days she needed to replenish 

But she lay there wilted 

Not saying a word 

Breaking 

Falling apart 

Pliable 

For the inability to fight back 

I call defeat 

I throw in the towel 

I raise my white flag 

I have nothing left in me 

To fight for what my heart longed for 

You win, my love 

Forgive me

I do not have the strength anymore 

The Invisible Life of Addie Larue by V.E. Schwab

A few months ago, I started a book club in Facebook called NEVER SILENCE THE MAD READER. I decided I’d extend it to my blog and post the books, just in case anyone would like to join along. Feel free to join the FB group to participate in the discussions, but I will also post the discussions here in the comments ( I think that is how I will do this anyway, still figuring it out ).

For January we are going to read The Invisible Life of Addie Larue by V.E. Schwab. January 1 lands on a Friday, so what better day than to just start there.

week 1 : part 1+2

week 2 : part 3+4

week 3 : part 5

week 4 : part 6+7

My goal will be to post the discussion questions by that Friday after reading.

I’m excited to read with all of you 💋

You Saw a Pretty Thing and You Wanted to Break it

You Saw a Pretty Thing and You Wanted to Break it

.

.

.

Porcelain made 

Fragile written on it 

.

.

.

You peered Into the windows 

And you felt the warmth 

Radiating from the hearth 

.

.

.

You sought comfort 

In the man you thought you deserved 

.

.

.

As you felt around the doors and windows

.

.

.

Checked the hinges 

Checked the boards 

.

.

.

You saw a hidden crack beneath the floor 

.

.

.

You seeped your way in 

.

.

.

Not carefully 

.

.

Not  quietly 

.

.

You seeped in flooding  

You broke through the crack entirely 

.

.

You tried to warm your hands upon the open fire 

.

.

You burned yourself 

.

.

Fighting for the one thing that you desired

.

.

You saw a pretty thing 

And you wanted to destroy it 

.

.

You took that porcelain made home 

And you dropped it 

.

.

.

Never Silence The Madness Poetry Prompt “ERUDITE”

A few months ago, I started a book club, on FB called NEVER SILENCE THE MAD READER. As I was reading this particular book, our first book of the club, I realized it had so many large words that I had to look up. This was a very discouraging realization because in high school, I had so much pride in myself for being an avid reader. As an adult, I didn’t get the chance to read as much, but I didn’t think my vocabulary was as limited as it was. By the end of the first book, I chalked it up to the book itself. I mean, it was called “Special Topics in Calamity physics”, what else was I going to expect?

LOL a bunch of hard words…..

turns out…. It wasn’t the book, because come Decembers book, and I’m still writing down a long list of words I do not know hahaha

Anyway, I decided to write poems for each word to help me engrain the definition into my mind. I thought it would help expand my apparently minuscule pool of vernacular. Once I started doing this, I thought, hey! why not start a poetry group and post poetry prompts, I’m already “prompting” myself, I’ll just share it, and others can join if they want to.

I started a poetry group on FB called NEVER SILENCE THE MAD POET and I began posting my word of the week or poetry prompts. I recently decided, I’ll try sharing it on here as well and 🙏 would love it if anyone would like to participate and tag their ping backs to #NSTMPP

This weeks poetry prompt will be the word “ERUDITE

according to dictionary.com it is an adjective meaning “characterized by great knowledge; learned or scholarly: an erudite professor; an erudite commentary.

pingback to #NSTMPP

I’d love to read your work.

Hollow Smiles

I watched you glow as he fed you 

Abdomen engorged 

Promises; candy coated words 

.

.

He fattened you up 

Rosie cheeked 

Arms stuffed full of flower petals 

.

.

Honey vibrato 

To ingratiate himself with your pitter patter heart 

.

.

He molded himself into every dream you ever wished for 

He decapitated every monster you ever lived  with 

.

.

He woke you from your nightmare 

And he gave you something to live for 

.

.

Why then, do you start to feel like something is still missing? 

Like promises are empty 

Smiles hollow 

.

.

Why then, is there no warmth between your fingertips 

Or fire in your soul ?

.

.

In the end, 

You do not know 

.

.

In the end, 

You have to let the the dream of him go 

.

#NSTMPP

NEVERSILENCETHEMADNESS POETRY PROMPT

Jenga

I wish I could make it stop 

I do 

It’s like

Playing jenga

Trying to figure out the puzzle

when it was already whole to begin with 

Every piece 

A clue that I must pull out and dissect 

poking holes through my own logic 

Seeing through my own thoughts 

Piling on top of each other 

Creating some form of a reality 

That is just destined to come tumbling down 

I wish I could make it stop 

I do 

The higher the tower grows

Force = mass x acceleration 

The harder the fall

The louder the noise 

Even when I see it tilting 

And I know just how this ends, the scene 

As soon as the bricks hit the ground 

It startles me 

I wish I could make it stop 

I do 

But no matter what I try 

 I lose 

That Much I Know

With so much unknown in the world today

There is an abundance of 

Fear

Sadness

Confusion

With a reality so new to us 

There is an overflowing amount of 

Resistance

Question

Panic 

The FACT of the matter is

despite what anyone says

There is definite 

Loss 

Loss of what life once was

Loss of loved ones 

Loss of stability 

From that, we have so much to

Gain

compassion

Unity

Love 

Out of everything I know right now

It’s that.

#FOWC “fact”