Calm your worries and feed your dreams
How I wish there was an off switch the moment my head graced the pillow with its presence
But instead, I am left with a bombardment of thoughts and questions
Things I am not prepared to answer
Questions, I am still afraid to truly ask
I wish there was an off switch
Synchronized with the lights
So when I dimmed the room for relaxation, my mind grew foggy along with it
She carries that shield as though the armor upon her chest may give way from multiple defenses
Crossbow in hand to ward off those that approach from enemy lines
Daggers at the ready because sometimes they say to keep your friends close but your enemies closer
.
She spent so long trying to keep the dangers away, she forgot she also wasn’t letting love penetrate her skin.
She didn’t realize that leaving the bandages on her wounds for too long were allowing them to fester
Trapping the insidious
Killing all she thought she was protecting
.
So, take the armor off babe
.
Let your heart breathe
Take some weight off of your shoulders hun
I know that you have felt heavy for some time now
.
Take the armor off babe
.
Feel some sun on that skin
Start some healing from within
Feel his touch
Because you need it just as much as he
Soak in his love
Because you both deserve for you to
.
Take off the armor babe
.
You are okay
I Promise you
MAKE IT TO ME- Sam Smith
There are so many things in this life that I’d love to do, but feel so shy to do, scared to do, timid to do. Little by little I have broken through small hurdles.. and today, I wanna try to jump over another one.
All my life, I have loved singing. I would sing karaoke through the night, as long as I thought no one could hear me. As soon as I heard a door creak, my throat would close, and I couldn’t get a note out. I would say, the only person that has heard me sing at the top of my lungs is my partner. Thank goodness, 🙏 he allows me to sing through all the road trips, through all the cleaning days without judging me, without complaining that I’m an ear sore 😝.
He make me feel so comfortable to be my 100% true self. Open, vulnerable, raw. I am in no way, a great singer lol, but I love to sing, I love listening to the passions in others’ voices and I wish that for myself. My partner encourages me to love myself and my passions, he is super supportive with the things I do end up trying.
Anyway… Here I am, working up the courage to do something I’m afraid of. I still feel shy recording myself singing, I’m terrified to make it public lol. But …. why not… live my life, love myself, and stop holding back.
YOU AND I – Lady Gaga
There are so many things in this life that I’d love to do, but feel so shy to do, scared to do, timid to do. Little by little I have broken through small hurdles.. and today, I wanna try to jump over another one.
All my life, I have loved singing. I would sing karaoke through the night, as long as I thought no one could hear me. As soon as I heard a door creak, my throat would close, and I couldn’t get a note out. I would say, the only person that has heard me sing at the top of my lungs is my partner. Thank goodness, 🙏 he allows me to sing through all the road trips, through all the cleaning days without judging me, without complaining that I’m an ear sore 😝.
He make me feel so comfortable to be my 100% true self. Open, vulnerable, raw. I am in no way, a great singer lol, but I love to sing, I love listening to the passions in others’ voices and I wish that for myself. My partner encourages me to love myself and my passions, he is super supportive with the things I do end up trying.
Anyway… Here I am, working up the courage to do something I’m afraid of. I still feel shy recording myself singing, I’m terrified to make it public lol. But …. why not… live my life, love myself, and stop holding back.
LOVE IN THE DARK- ADELE
There are so many things in this life that I’d love to do, but feel so shy to do, scared to do, timid to do. Little by little I have broken through small hurdles.. and today, I wanna try to jump over another one.
All my life, I have loved singing. I would sing karaoke through the night, as long as I thought no one could hear me. As soon as I heard a door creak, my throat would close, and I couldn’t get a note out. I would say, the only person that has heard me sing at the top of my lungs is my partner. Thank goodness, 🙏 he allows me to sing through all the road trips, through all the cleaning days without judging me, without complaining that I’m an ear sore 😝.
He makes me feel so comfortable to be my 100% true self. Open, vulnerable, raw. I am in no way, a great singer lol, but I love to sing, I love listening to the passions in others’ voices and I wish that for myself. My partner encourages me to love myself and my passions, he is super supportive with the things I do end up trying.
Anyway… Here I am, working up the courage to do something I’m afraid of. I still feel shy recording myself singing, I’m terrified to make it public lol. But …. why not… live my life, love myself, and stop holding back.
WHEN WE WERE YOUNG-ADELE
here are so many things in this life that I’d love to do, but feel so shy to do, scared to do, timid to do. Little by little I have broken through small hurdles.. and today, I wanna try to jump over another one.
All my life, I have loved singing. I would sing karaoke through the night, as long as I thought no one could hear me. As soon as I heard a door creak, my throat would close, and I couldn’t get a note out. I would say, the only person that has heard me sing at the top of my lungs is my partner. Thank goodness, 🙏 he allows me to sing through all the road trips, through all the cleaning days without judging me, without complaining that I’m an ear sore 😝.
He makes me feel so comfortable to be my 100% true self. Open, vulnerable, raw. I am in no way, a great singer lol, but I love to sing, I love listening to the passions in others’ voices and I wish that for myself. My partner encourages me to love myself and my passions, he is super supportive with the things I do end up trying.
Anyway… Here I am, working up the courage to do something I’m afraid of. I still feel shy recording myself singing, I’m terrified to make it public lol. But …. why not… live my life, love myself, and stop holding back.
I wish I could make it stop
I do
It’s like
Playing jenga
Trying to figure out the puzzle
when it was already whole to begin with
Every piece
A clue that I must pull out and dissect
poking holes through my own logic
Seeing through my own thoughts
Piling on top of each other
Creating some form of a reality
That is just destined to come tumbling down
I wish I could make it stop
I do
The higher the tower grows
Force = mass x acceleration
The harder the fall
The louder the noise
Even when I see it tilting
And I know just how this ends, the scene
As soon as the bricks hit the ground
It startles me
I wish I could make it stop
I do
But no matter what I try
I lose
He said to me
“You are being explosive ”
Little did he know,
There was a tornado inside me that I was holding back from being released.
He said to me
“You are teetering on the edge”
Little did he know,
I tip-toed the tight-walk for miles before I got here
He doesn’t know I watched myself demolish this room
Ripped things off the walls
Flipped over every table
Breaking every breakable thing
As I sat on this bed engulfed with the fire within me
While sitting in the calm
It’s hard to explain really.
It’s a wave of distrust in the people that I love the most.
It’s a moment of suspicion that grew from the seed of the most mundane moment.
Sometimes, it’s the inability to be truly happy.
Sometimes, it’s a sadness that has no reason.
It’s being afraid that one wrong glance can make someone hate you.
It’s worrying that one missed call means that you are no longer loved.
I wish that I could describe it to you in a way that you could read and simultaneously feel, just to understand what a person with anxiety goes through.
Sometimes, behind the silence and the smile, there is an entire hurricane going on inside. At times, it is in the mind. At times, it is in the heart. In the worst moments, it is in both.
It can feel like being short of breath accompanied by the ability to breathe.
It can feel like being tachycardic, but a glance at your heart rate tells you that you are just fine.
It can feel like you are in “fight or flight” mode for hours on end with nothing to fight and nothing to run from.
It can be days of negativity and anger when all you want is to feel love.
I catch glimpses of her sometimes …..
The girl behind the anxiety.
Usually it’s within a candid photograph or mistaken video.
I see her laugh
-minus the insecurities
-minus the doubt
-minus the worry
-minus the fear
-minus the overthinking
And she is beautiful.
I don’t want you to read this and think…
Less of me
Worry for me
Sadness for me
Annoyance toward me
Because the way that I see it…
People that go through this world battling anxiety and still
-get up every morning
-want to be the best version of themselves
-have hope for the present and future
-want to spread love and happiness
-go to work in stressful challenging environments
-encourage and uplift
-LOVE
Are some of the strongest and most compassionate people that I have ever met.
We go through this world with love and understanding, with empathy and hope. Even though our moments can be harder to get through than some.
We can comprehend your hurt, but we can also be your rock, because we have already faced a million thunderstorms within us and we know how to stand strong.
I guess what I am trying to say, is that I am PROUD of the woman I am. I am thankful for the things that have made me become that woman I am today.
But I also catch glimpses of the girl behind the Anxiety sometimes.
AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL
Never Silence the Madness 