in a state of limbo

during a time when I experienced the most change

picking up my entire life for a new one

Molding me into a robot

working toward growth and improvement

yet stagnant in life

not wanting to let go

because letting go means

goodbye

Because in one word, a whole life is erased

As if the last 6 years of my life meant nothing

as if the fights didn’t make us better and stronger people

as if the make ups didn’t mean we were so perfect for each other

like the children we acquired together

were no longer mine to love

saying goodbye

means

that the tears I cried into beach towels and tee shirts were washed away and dried at the laundry mat

ironed out 

every wrinkle and crease in my life

straightened out

with no hint of what was once there

the bleach from the laundry mat

the aroma

so pungent

the smell of

goodbye

it burns my nostrils

it stings my eyes

yet I stand there 

watching my life turn round and round

like the clothes in the washer

encompassed in the bubbles

and when that light turns on

“ready for bleach”

I pour in that goodbye

slowly

reminiscently

watching every stain I’ve obtained

wash away

like the 6 years I have spent with you

dissipating into the bubbles

as I fold my clothes 
carefully

I think

this is what I am going to wear tomorrow

a new day

a new life

stepping out of

limbo