There are so many things that I still wanted to do with you. We always talked about more dances together. We have gone out dancing together twice in our lives. I thought we had so many more late nights left to go. We joked about loving dancing so much, we would go out, you in your wheelchair, and me with my cane. I so wanted to do that with you mother.
My mommy dearest, we had road trips planned that we could sing our hearts out to. We had vacations in mind. We had scrapbooks to fill. We were suppose to find ourselves at some French cafe loving the food but hating the portion size. We were going to smile and giggle at the cute guys. We were going to let me practice my one sentence of French that I remembered from High School. You were going teach me how to truly rock heels like a pro, and get mad at me when I complained about how bad my feet hurt.
My best friend, we were going to get tattoos together. We said it so many times. Even made plans to get one before you left on that airplane, but we never made it. My heart hurts, mother, because I wanted that experience with you.
My workout partner, my TAE BO buddy, my Zumba lover. You were suppose to make it to my favorite Zumba class, I really wanted you to see how amazing he really is. He’s never going to have that first dance with you mama, and my heart hurts because I really wanted him to have that with you.
Mommy, I really wanted to pick that dress with you. I needed you there to tell me I looked beautiful in that one or how horrid that other one was. Mother, should I wear my hair up? Or my hair down? Do I wear a veil? I wanted to see you there, smiling, crying, happy to finally see me walk down that aisle. Mother, I don’t know how I will make it all the way down that hall without breaking down, I truly don’t. I can’t see how I will have the strength in that moment in my life.
My heart hurts from all the things I can’t do with you mother. There are so many things I still had planned for us. There were still so many laughs, there were so many songs to sing and beats to dance to. There were so many chocolates to try, roads to drive, planes to fly. There were so so many more words to write.
We still had to pick a grandmother name for you. Surprise you when you would have a grandchild. You were suppose to spoil her, you were suppose to comfort him.
You were suppose to teach me how to cook …..
We were suppose to joke about how much we both suck at cooking.
Mother, there really were so so many things I had left for us to do together. It’s hard for me to truly believe that I will never be able to do these things with you. It is hard to believe that you are not somewhere just writing away or dancing. I miss you so much mother, you have no idea how much my heart hurts for you. I love you, my mama.
May we dance together again one day
With so so so much love,